not a moment do i forget, audric

[lookantigone]

there are so many thing i want to say, but only one comes to mind.

Ginger locks cascaded down around her face as she sat herself down on a bench. It had been a while since she had found herself at Hogsmeade. It was such a different place now that she had traveled for a bit. Antigone thought she just wanted to travel and see the world, take place learning about Dragons but something had brought her back to Scotland, more so than she thought it would in the first place. She wanted closure or some sort of closure anyway. For seventeen years she had found herself in Scotland and she wanted to see the rest of the world and for a time she did but that wasn’t enough for her. She wanted to see more, she lusted for adventure and she wanted to feel like it was the right thing to do – but she couldn’t find it in herself to throw everything away. It was her mistake really and she had to deal with it the only way that she knew how, facing it. There were far worse things out there than emotions and, really, Antigone was fearless. She had left her family entirely when she left Scotland and she didn’t regret that because her father had slowly started to drive her insane, but she did regret leaving her friends.

For Antigone, the taste of freedom was more than she could ever imagine but she couldn’t get over that pang of guilt she had when she felt like she was having the time of her life. She had left the person that she cared about more than anything else in the world stumped and confused. The ginger had even stop taking owls for a while, which wasn’t the best thing in the world. Casting her glance around the small streets, she sighed, there wasn’t much use thinking about it now since she had just come back. Maybe she would see him again soon or something. She held out for the fact that it would be sooner rather than later because she just wanted to get everything over with. For a person that was brave and courageous, Antigone felt weakness which was foreign and strange. She felt see-through and fragile but it made sense. She couldn’t protect herself from this; she couldn’t protect herself from her own emotions and most certainly not from love.

Early that morning, she had sent Audric a letter to meet her in Hogsmeade where she sat. It was the first letter that she had sent in him close to four months, which was strange for people that had been friends for six years but that being said; she wanted to normalize it somehow.

Dear Audric Pritchard,

I haven’t spoken to you in a while. I just wanted to see how you were doing, please meet me in Hogsmeade if you can. Look for your favourite ginger in the whole world. I need to tell you something.

Antigone Carmichael.

[audric]

It was a hard day of quidditch practice and Audric went straight from the pitch to the showers. He always sweated like a pig at practice and had to dry his clothes off with a spell since it took such a long time for them to dry sometimes. Turning the water all the way over to the hot side of the knob, Audric stood underneath the smoldering water as his skin burned. It felt good though. Audric knew that his skin would probably suffer from this later, but that's what lotion was for. He would never admit this to anybody, but he was an avid lotion user. He found out when he joined the Quidditch team that his sweat would make his skin rash up on arms, so he tried lotion and it just kind've worked. His shower was done and he dressed in jeans and white t-shirt. Stuffing his belongings in a duffle bag, Audric would hang up his nasty gear in his dorm to air out. Surely his roommates wouldn't mind since they were also on the team with him and had the same problem.

When he did arrive in his dormitory, Audric threw his stuff on his bed and began to unload the bag and lay them on the floor since the other hanging places were occupied. Rolling his eyes at the mess, he wasn't sure if they'd ever have a clean room. Not to be bothered with it, Audric didn't really care, but he felt weird purposely placing dirty clothes on the ground. Ah, the hell with it, Audric thought and slid some socks on since the ground was a bit cold. Looking up, Audric saw an owl trying to fly through the window. Opening up the glass window, Audric let the bird in and took the letter from the owl, stroking its head, hoping the owl wouldn't mind that he didn't have an owl treats laying around. Opening up the letter, Audric scanned the letter quickly at first trying to see who it was from first. Seeing that it was from Antigone, Audric reread the letter again. Smiling, Audric grabbed a jacket and began to head to Hogsmeade. He didn't care that it wasn't a Hogsmeade week, Audric knew some tunnels from past years and found them with ease.

Now in Hogsmeade, Audric exited the shoppe and tried to look for his favorite ginger. Surprisingly, she wasn't a Weasley, but that made her all the more better. Not that he had anything against the Weasleys, it's just that there were so many of them and any red head was stereotyped as a Weasley. It got very old, very fast. Antigone was the unique girl Audric grew to be friends with. How the bloody hell was he supposed to find her in Hogsmeade anyways? Sure she was a ginger, but she couldn't have given him a hint of where she was? So he walked and walked until he thought he found her, but ended up being some prick that died their hair a ginger color. Audric gave them the evil eye as he passed and continued looking for her with furrowed eyebrows.

When he saw a patch of ginger again, Audric walked closer and saw that it was Antigone! Nonchalantly, Audic sat down next to her. Looking over to her, Audric smiled and wanted to give her a hug, but that would have to be for later. It had been such a long time since he'd seen her and he was starting to have the feeling of nostalgia of the past. "Well if it isn't my favorite ginger! Audric greeted with enthusiasm.

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[lookantigone]

there are so many thing i want to say, but only one comes to mind.

Antigone always loved her hair, she would be noticed just about anywhere because of her hair. It was always so bright and red. It was really hard to miss, or so she’d been told by many people so she hoped that Audric would easily find her as well, mostly because he had been around her so long not to mistake her for another person, but also because her hair was brighter than most people could ever see. It was amazing, really. So she sat there, waiting on the bench, turning the end of her scarf over in her hands over and over, like a ritual as she tried to find the words to say to him when she finally saw him again. It was hard to think of just the simplest words to say because… there weren’t any simple words. All of them were packed with emotion and filled with things she wasn’t willing to readily admit to herself. She made everything so complicated and she hated but that the way it was and she couldn’t exactly stop herself from it now. It was ingrained into her and that was that.

Turning the scarf once more in her hand, she looked up as she saw someone in the corner of her eye. Audric. Antigone wanted to just jump and hug him right then, but instead she just turned herself, nestling into the space between the arm of the bench and the back. “Well, if it isn’t my favourite Quidditch Player.” she gave him a brilliant smile back. Then, then she was stuck with words – like if she held onto them for long enough they would all come out in a stream that would both confuse and scare them both – but when she opened her mouth… there was nothing.

If there was a word or a phrase that she could say right now, it would be that she missed him. Out of all the things that she could muster or feel right now, it was that she really did miss him, among all else. At that moment she felt stupid for leaving, for just running away and not doing anything about what she left here. But now, she was going to take responsibility for all of it, for all that she could. Antigone couldn’t just easily move one from this. It was too painful to think about. Trying to formulate the words in her mind again, she looked over to him, lips pursed. Words didn’t come easy and somewhere along the lines she wished that they were maths so she wouldn’t have to worry so much about confusing him. It was stupid really, but she couldn’t help herself. “How have you been?” she started, trying to get a feel for where they were at the moment. She didn’t know if he hated her or not, but she was starting to get the warm fuzzies again. All the memories she had of him started to flood back into her mind like the first time they met and the best pranks they pulled at Hogwarts and then the last time that she spoke to him.

It was messy, everything was messy now from her perspective but only because she made it to be messy and she hated messes. “Umm,” Antigone started again, trying to get out with it as quickly as she could, “… about last year…” she muttered, turning away to look at the ground. “I meant what I said… before I left.” She tugged on her scarf uncomfortably. The ginger wasn’t even all that sure that he remembered what she said at all, knowing that he was a little bit dense when it came to things. “I meant about… when I said, I lo…” she paused, “… when I said I liked you…. I still do.” Antigone didn’t look at him, she just stared at the exact point on the ground and tried not to blush as bright as her hair.

[audric]

Stroking his beard once, Audric should've shaved before coming to meet her. But there was no time to think about such silly things like shaving! Audric couldn't help but smile in her presence. He forgot how much he had truly missed her and her shenanigans. He felt at ease with her and felt like he could speak freely instead of trying to amp up his filter since he was a man known to just say what came to his mind. "That would be me! Although, if it wasn't for magic, I'd surely be covered in scars from head to toe!" Audric joked. Quidditch was serving to be as rough of a season as it had last year. Already he was hit in the face with a bludger and boy did Audric feel the pain. After that first blow, Audric couldn't feel anything on his body. It was brutal, but Audric survived, just like he always did.

Antigone seemed a bit quiet as she sat there next to him on the bench they were sitting on. He wanted to know what was running through her mind right now to make her so eerily quiet. Was there something wrong that Audric had not heard of? He hadn't exactly kept very good contact with her, so there could possibly be something wrong. Audric scrunched his eyebrows together in slight worry, but softened his features as he scooted closer to put an arm around her shoulders. What came out next was not what he was expecting. How has he been? A little anti-climatic, but it was better than what he originally thought it was going to be; some sort of tragedy in the family. "I've been well. Seventh year is bloody easy despite the N.E.W.T.s coming up and all." Audric replied to her question for him. He wanted to ask how she was, but instead, he just looked at her with slightly narrowed eyes. Audric almost pulled his arm away, feeling this conversation was becoming indifferent, but he didn't want to give into the slightly awkward position they were in. Just because he hadn't wrote to her since last seeing each other at her graduation didn't mean that they couldn't talk freely now. What was with this silent treatment? Audric could feel the blood boiling in his veins at this newfound annoyance, but knew that this wasn't the place to start a fight. He wasn't going to fight with an old friend, not now, not ever.

Clicking his tongue as he finally looked away from her face, Audric wasn't sure where to go next. He didn't think he needed to apologize for not writing - if this was even what this was about - and if anything, she should be the one to explain why she wanted to see him. Taking a deep breath to calm himself down, he tried to remind himself that this was Antigone he was dealing with here. This was one of his dearest friends. Obviously there was a reason she sent him an owl in the first place. Perhaps she did just want to see him out of pure curiosity of how he really was doing. If that was so, then Audric would play along. And then she finally spoke up, but with an 'um.' Audric turned his head back towards Antigone and tried to hear the words coming out of her mouth since she wasn't being exactly clear with them.

As she did speak, Audric tried to remember what she had said to him before she left Hogwarts. He kept staring at her, but wasn't really looking at her. His eyes were fogged over in concentration, trying to picture that moment. Was it at the celebration party? Was it when it was just them two having a good time? Audric didn't remember much of that night after Antigone had spoken to him since someone brought the fire whiskey in. Obviously she said something that sent Audric off the edge to make him drink his memories away. Refocusing his eyes, he heard the last part. She had looked away by now and Audric just slightly smiled at this.

"Well I can see that Antigone. We wouldn't have been friends this long if we couldn't tolerate each other." Audric answered back. So she did think that they were in some sort of feud! Removing his arm from around her shoulders, Audric grew serious. "I never was angry or mad with you Antigone. I just never knew what to say or even how to start." Audric confessed.

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[lookantigone]

there are so many thing i want to say, but only one comes to mind.

She could feel the blush creeping up her neck, threatening to invade her cheeks as she sat there uncomfortably. It was a fact that Audric wasn’t the brightest person in the world but still. Most of the time he had made her feel at ease, even when things weren’t exactly going right in her life. He was that once slice of… everything that instantly made her feel like there was something bigger than herself out there and that her problems weren’t all that grand at all. She had truly missed him and was hitting herself on the forehead, in her mind, for not owling him or anything while she was gone. “Well, yes, magic has saved you time and time again, hasn’t it?” she gave a small smile before tucking her scarf back over her mouth. It was a small gesture, but she didn’t want to be embarrassed further, she just wanted to deal with what she had now and not offend him with a blush so red that it would put her hair to shame. This, of course, quieted her but for what it was worth, it calmed her a bit.

Well, that was until he put his arm around her. Normally this action would have been greeted kindly, but this time she tensed, far more than she had meant to previously but she couldn’t help it. It was a small action that seemed to make her feel more uneasy about the whole situation even though it was Audric. All the same she looked up at him for a moment, listening intently to his words. So he was fine without her – that was good. That was actually very good. If he hadn’t been well without her she would have probably regretted leaving more than she already had, if only because her brother had turned out the way he did when she was away. It wasn’t a comforting thought, to be honest but at least it wasn’t bad, well aside from Quidditch and the like. Sometimes she had wondered if he had met a girl while she was gone, not that she was really one to get jealous (which she was) but there was the thought in the back of her head that made her wonder if he was better off without her as she was really just pushing her feelings onto him now. It just made everything so awkward as they sat there, just… looking at each other – staring a bit as they did but not at all in the comfort of silence. It was a silence that made blood boil and tempers rises (his more so than hers, but who was counting?).

Breaking away from the stare, she looked down at her lap, her fingers rubbing against each other. Her joints had already gone red from the cold due to how pale her hands were and things were just getting worse by the second. Antigone looked like a bundled up red thing, sitting there as she did, not willing to break the silence until she caught his attention again, but not in the way that she had hoped. It was silly thing to ask of him though, of course he wouldn’t understand. She had almost laughed at herself for thinking that he would understand but no. There were no words that could describe how she felt right now; all she did was choke down a laugh.

“Of course…” she said softly, pulling her scarf down under her chin, her skin quickly getting attacked by the cold. Somewhere along the line she let out a sound between a laugh, cough and cry as she spoke, “You idiot…” she muttered in the same tone, slightly hurt but she tried to pull back from him. “It’s fine...” she sniffed, rubbing at her nose trying to fight back the inevitable tears. They were talking about two different things now, but that was okay, she never expected him to answer her right away anyhow. “It was partly my fault anyhow… I was just… nervous to send you any letters… I tried but nothing sort of came out.” she lied. Of course she had written him letters when she away, she had a whole box of them back at her flat, she just never sent any of them because no letters could convey what she was feeling right now… or even before. “I didn’t really know how to put things into words and well… I wasn’t sure if you would misunderstand them or not.” she sighed, absently rubbing at her eyes.

[audric]

Audric looked at her as she stared down into her lap. He had a quizzed look on his face and wondered what was up with Antigone. This was not the Antigone he knew who seemed upbeat whenever around him. Looking back down to his own two bare hands as well, Audric noticed that they were growing red from the cold. Rubbing them together, they sat in a silence, not sure if he should call it comfortable and uncomfortable. Rubbing his tongue across his teeth in thought, he tried to think of why they were in this...different situation. He really thought that they're only problem was that fact they hadn't really kept in touch. Obviously that wasn't the reason, or Audric wouldn't have been second guessing himself. Was he overlooking something was right in front of his nose? Why was he cursed with such ignorance of people?

His hearing was good though and he definitely heard her call him an idiot. He was taken aback. He hadn't been called an idiot in awhile and it was a weird sensation. Most people back at Hogwarts wouldn't dare call him such a name. Of course only friends could, but everybody else was a no no. He had shaped his reputation around being intimidating so that nobody would dare mess with him. Audric hated annoying people that thought they were cool. All those Slytherins thought they were the bloody coolest. Audric had to stop his thoughts there before he began to say his thoughts out loud. Taking a deep breath, Audric slowly turned to Antigone and titled his head to her. He decided to listen for once and let her speak. Maybe her words would lead to the answer he needed to fix whatever mess he was in at the moment. Was it a mess? Yes, Audric had no clue what the bloody hell was going on and he didn't like it. Why did women talk in riddles all the time? Boy did Audric wish he could read her mind right now. It would solve all his problems!

When she began to rub her eyes, Audric took the quick moment to think all what she said over. Nervous to send letters? Misunderstand the words? What was something people often misunderstood in letters? What was he misunderstanding right now? Audric replayed the earlier conversation just a few moments ago when she said she still liked him and it stood true when she said them to him before she left. Rubbing his forehead, Audric tried to remember that night. All he could remember was being close to her and her words, what did she say?! He sat there with his hand on his forehead and his eyes closed tight, desperatly putting the pieces together. He felt like he was back in his History of Magic O.W.L. exam when he had to try to remember the facts the Professor gave. He had often dozed off on that class and now he was doing the same thing, but this was real life he was trying to remember, not petty facts.

Lowering his hands, he figured it out. He wasn't sure how long he had been like that, but he looked at her and he decided to take a guess. If she grew angry with him, he was sure that he could pull something together. He always had in the past and this was no different. "So...you mean to say that you still like me? As in, relationship like like?" Audric asked. He felt a little childish when he used the code word for crush, but he wasn't sure what else to say since he was unsure of where this conversation was going. All he needed as a nod or some sort of confirmation from her.

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[lookantigone]

there are so many thing i want to say, but only one comes to mind.

Tucking her hands into her sleeves, she tried to fend off the cold as best she could. Antigone honestly wished that she didn’t have to deal with this and that she wasn’t bothered by this at all. She would have rather everything be fine and that this wasn’t as awkward and uncomfortable as it was. She couldn’t help it though, she came here today on a mission and she just wanted to get it done and over with and they could return to being something that wasn’t this. Antigone had never liked awkward moments, they never made anyone comfortable and people just ended up drifting away after them and that was the last thing that she wanted from this. She didn’t call him out just to lose a friend today.

Well, Antigone really hadn’t though this through. She thought that everything was going to be fine and dandy if she just told him and left but there was the understanding bit that she looked over. Maybe she should get herself a book for Christmas that dealt with these things, it would pass her time, for sure but that was irrelevant right now. Anyways, it just made things more confusing to her, which was probably the thing that seemed to bother her, the most, about these things. These were the things that one couldn’t calculate and understand with just numbers and the such, this was real life and Audric was far too real for her to say anything stupid, more so than she already had as she was sure that he had heard her call him an idiot. It was something that she hardly ever called him because honestly, he could squish her if he wasn’t careful. It was always a scary thought but she found it to be endearing most of the time… but again not the point. Her brain wanted to sway away from the topic at hand desperately but she tried her best to wrangle it back in.

Even so, the silence wasn’t really helping her situation, she was just sat there doing nothing but fiddling with her jumper. Occasionally she pushed her hair out of her face and tugged at her scarf, but that was about all she did. Antigone didn’t attempt to look back at Audric anymore, especially since he seemed to fall silent too, into one of his many thinking stages, she assumed from how he had positioned himself (from what she could see out of the corner of her eye). It wasn’t until he pulled from that position that she started to tense again.

At his words, Antigone lifted her head to look at him, slightly in shock. She wasn’t sure that she was in shock because he got it or because he completely startled her. She had been skirting around the words for a while now and he had just come out and said it, clear as day. Gone wasn’t really sure why she hadn’t been direct in the first place, though she assumed it was her little girl pride that seemed to be the answer to all of this. She couldn’t just outright say it because of pride sake and she didn’t want to wound her pride more than it already was. Taking a deep breath she nodded at him, “Yes…” she muttered before dropping her gaze again, picking at her jumper again quietly. She didn’t know where else to take this conversation so she just kept herself quiet for the time. “… I do… like you in a…relationship like like way.” she muttered, glancing towards him leaving a lingering pause in the air.

[audric]

Suddenly he saw all her quirks at she always did when she was nervous or anxious. He looked to the tugging at the jumper, fiddling with her hair, oh how was he so blind sometimes! This was not what Audric was expecting when he thought that she wanted to talk to him again. He simply thought this was them catching up after she graduated from Hogwarts. It took him all his might to not sigh and he wasn't sure if he could make eye contact with her anymore. He hadn't had a real relationship in such a long time that he almost forgot how to proceed with such a thing. He certainly wasn't going to proceed with anything when he was so bewildered at the pace they were going. He couldn't help but think back to the old days when he was still a sixth year and Antigone a seventh year and how all he could do was think of her as a friend. Now those precious thoughts were being challenged.

That yes did it for Audric. What sent him off the deep end was that she went on to further make it clear that she really did like him. His gaze was fixed on the snow-laden ground before him with his eyes wide. He slowly turned his head to look at her as well and they made eye contact. She seemed like this whole conversation was taking her all the effort she had. Well Audric would be too since going from friends to lovers was something not to be taken lightly. A whole friendship could be ruined if someone made the wrong move. Breaking the eye contact, Audric had to stand up and pace. He couldn't stand to just sit there idly anymore.

He paced back and forth the length of the bench they were sitting on and Audric stroked the scruff that he was growing for the winter, hoping for a full grown beard by the end of February. There were pros and cons to think about here. Pro is that he and Antigone would get along just fine since they had before. Con would be that if someone did end up dumping the other, their friendship was over and Audric wasn't sure how he felt about that. Another pro was that Antigone would be his and he would be able to do whatever the hell he wanted to her, unless she suddenly grew chaste about her actions. Con was that Audric wasn't sure if he could see himself snogging her. Audric stopped pacing and really didn't know where to go from here. He evidently stopping pacing in front of her and lowered his hands to his coat pockets. "How long have you like me this way?" Audric asked since he was purely curious by now. If it was recent, then Audric wouldn't feel bad about being ignorant to her feelings. If it was longer than before she graduated...then Audric wouldn't be sure what to think. "And what do you suggest we do now? We haven't exactly kept touch and now you spring this one on me?" Audric kept going, his temper running a bit with him. It was more confusion that anger if anything. Pacing again, Audric didn't want to sit down again. He was afraid he might do something rash if he didn't keep himself busy with his pacing.

ooc; wow, laziness at its best. not sure where i was going with this one...

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